Fat Jean Genes

The fat jeans I bought last winter are too tight.  I've been telling myself for months that I am going to lose the almost-thirty pounds I've gained since my bright idea to move to Canada (it must be Canada's fault I can't stop eating, right?)  I lose five pounds, gain eight, lose eight gain ten.  I have barely managed to do the "right thing" for more than a week.  I am officially overweight.  Again.

When I lost thirty pounds after baby number two, it seemed pretty effortless.  I joined Weight Watchers and it really worked for me--tracking my food online, trying new recipes, being able to eat "regular" food to lose weight.  And hitting the gym three times a week helped burn up the fat and give me some great muscle tone, and stablized the old mood swings.  I was looking awesome, and it didn't seem too difficult.  Sure, some days I slipped up a bit with some birthday cake or a lolly, but I got right back on the wagon and reached my weight loss goal.

And I felt awesome!  When I am thin, I look like how I feel.  When I am fat, I feel trapped in someone else's body.  But it's not someone else.  It's me.  Funny though, as I have been chubby or overweight more than I have been fit and trim. 

It's not like I don't know what to do--nutrition, portion control, exercise, weight training--I know what to do.  I've done it before, many times before, with relative ease.  For the most part, I have always lost weight in a very healthy way, eating right and exercising regularly, not following a "diet" per se, but changing my lifestyle.  But this whole year has been an endless binge.  I've never been this out of control for so long.  It's a miracle I haven't gained more weight.  Where is that internal switch that puts me "in the zone" and more importantly, how do I keep it switched on, forever?

So the debate I am having with myself now--do I accept myself as I am and buy some clothes that actually fit so maybe I will feel better, or do I keep struggling to get back on the wagon and fit into the nice clothes I already have?

Broccoli Quinoa Soup

Every time I make this soup, I am amazed at how the kids absolute devour it.  Because of that, I felt I just had to share it.  Maybe everyone else out there already knows about this kind of soup recipe and I've been living under a rock, but if this post reaches just one other mom desperate to get as many vegetables into their kids as possible, it will be worth it!  I made this soup out of a desire to not waste food and money and get good quality servings of vegetables into the little monsters.

The main ingredients of this soup are:  broccoli, onion, quinoa and water.  That's it. 

What I do:

• Cook 1/2 cup of quinoa in a small pot.
• Chop up broccoli--I use mainly stems and save the florets for salads or a stir fry.
• In a large pot, put the broccoli with just enough water to cover it.
• Let water come to a boil, then when it has cooked for a few minutes, add a chopped onion.
• Then add anything else that is white or green--peas, beans, spinach, cauliflower, greens, whatever is taking up space in the fridge and won't last another day.
• You can add potatoes or green lentils, just be sure to start them cooking before putting the broccoli in as they take longer.
• When everything is cooked just enough to be pureed, get out the blender and whiz it all up.
• Add the cooked quinoa and stir through.

Serve with some grated cheese on top and stir through some diced bread pieces if the soup is too runny--this works great for little ones who need a thicker consistency to keep the soup on their little spoons and is a perfect way to use up the end peices of a loaf of bread.  The trick is to not use too much water in this soup--it will taste too watery or you will end up pouring some water away which has nutrients from the vegetables.  I also don't leave the soup to cook forever--just enough to soften the veggies to puree, maybe ten minutes.  I don't even bother with stock--you can add chicken or vegetable stock if you want, but I find an onion and a dash of sea salt works just as well.

What I love about this soup is I can pack so many different types of vegetables into it, whatever is hanging around the fridge, and the added quinoa gives it a healthy, protein-packed boost.  It keeps for a few days in the fridge or longer in the freezer.  I've even taken it to the park cold and the kids gobbled it up.  Go figure!

And happy soup making!

First Daze of School

And she's off!  Every afternoon, with her backpack and snack in tow, Little Miss Four heads off to kindergarten.  She loves it.  No tears.  No fussing.  Couldn't wait to see the back of me.  Can't say I blame her. 

After the first few days, one of the little boys in LM4's class was crying before school and didn't want to go in,  His mom was comforting him, soothing him, encouraging him, doing all the right things as far as I could tell.  But the poor little peach stood against the looming brick wall, tears streaming down his pale little face, inching slowly toward the door.  I saw his mother turn away as the tears filled her eyes--we never want our kides to see how upset we are--and I too, began to well up under my sunnies in the mother empathy thing most of us seem to have.  Her little guy managed to get himself inside the school and the Mary Poppins-ish kindergarten teacher assured the tearful mother that he would be fine. 

And he was.  After a few more days, he seemed to get better.  Myself and some of the other mothers whispered to our kids to make sure they asked the little boy to play because then he wouldn't feel so sad.  I don't know if they did--I think all the kids were pretty scared, and each one dealt with it in their own little way.

But on that day I wondered to myself--what do you do in this situation?  If you take him home, are you teaching him he can leave any situation if it seems too hard, or are you encouring him to acknowledge and listen to his feelings?  If you make him stay, are you sending the message that his feelings and instincts should be ignored, or to persevere even when something seems scary or difficult?  Will he be sitting in front of his therapist in 15 years time sobbing, "And then she just left me to go to kindergarten all by myself!  The horror!"

What would you do?  What did you do?

This whole parenting gig is hard.  Damn hard.