Several months ago, I did it--I achieved my "goal weight" by losing about thirty pounds (also known as 16 kilos). After years of being pregnant and breastfeeding, the old physique was looking rough and flabby, so I joined a gym, a diet program, learned how to eat again, and lost the unwanted weight.
Man, was I hot! Skinny jeans took on a whole new meaning because I was, well, skinny! My clothes were so big on me they were no longer wearable and I had to buy low single digit sizes. Gone were my chubby face and arms, replaced with chiselled features and muscle definition. Even my legs were bearable, and I have always hated my legs. I never knew I could ever look like this. It was totally awesome!
I thought, "Great! Problem solved! Weight lost! Next challenge, please!"
Shortly before moving to Canada, my food addiction reared its ugly head and the bingeing started. Eating anything and everything in sight, I would make myself feel sick on the sheer volume of junk--cookie dough, nuts, peanut butter, cookie dough, chocolate, sugary cereals, pasta, cookies, donuts and did I mention cookie dough? I managed to keep my weight reasonably under control so I could fit (just) into my new thin clothes. When we got to Canada, the bingeing continued to where I gained back at least 20 pounds and pushed myself into the "overweight" range again. Back into the fat clothes that I had ominously kept--maybe I knew the new body wasn't to stay??? Bingeing was certainly nothing new to me, but it had never gone on this long. My food addiction was at its worst.
It's not like I didn't know heaps about nutrition, because I did, but I seemed to have lost all control over the food I was eating and couldn't keep myself "in the zone" of healthy eating. Desperate times called for desperate measures--enter weight loss hypnosis. Professional hypnosis isn't in the financial cards, so I am started listening to a few online recordings to see what effect it has. God bless YouTube.
Worst case scenario--I have a relaxing 15 minutes in the middle of my day.
Best case--I can beat my food addiction by changing the negative and screwed up way I think about food, get thin again and feel awesome!
And with any luck, break the food addiction cycle so my girls don't grow up using food as a reward, a punishment, a comfort, a medicine, a treat, a consolation, a drug.
Thanks for sharing so openly, Brooke! I for one can relate to being trapped in frightening cycles of uncontrollable eating, so I appreciate your honesty. Loving your blog, admiring your goal to reach health for your girls.
ReplyDelete~*~*Gina
Hey Gina, thanks for your support as always! So far the hypnosis seems to be changing my "self-talk" and I am not interested in overeating--let's hope it stays that way!
ReplyDeleteand how is that one year on? I'm keen to know cos I have had food issues all my life and your blob above could describe me to a T!
ReplyDeleteOne year on--I wish I could say the bingeing ended and I;ve conquered my demons once again and all is as it should be, but I can't. I continued to binge for over a whole year, with only short spans of maybe 7-10 days at best of eating healthy foods and quantities, then something, anything, would trigger the bingeing again. At this very moment I am in an upward swing--eating well, getting to the gym (which I love), but this time trying to be patient for the results. The fact is I will battle food for my whole life. And sometimes I don't want to, so I don't. I still listen to the hypnosis sometimes because it is relaxing, but it hasn't changed my self-talk to overeat.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time is the best I can do right now. I will be writing a new blog post about this very soon!